MARIA MIRAVALLE

There are so many situations in our lives where we withdraw from or exclude what makes us uncomfortable and confused, whether it is our own grief or another’s. How important it is though, for us to be present to the situation or the suffering, even if we are helpless to do anything else.

We learn so much from those who come to Cornerstone, and today I would like to share with you something profound shared by a woman who initially came after the loss of her sister to cancer, who graciously agreed to let me share her insight.

Coming here, she had already lost her parents and other family members to cancer, and many of her loved ones were positive for the BRCA gene. She was coming to Cornerstone after the recent loss of her sister, and now only a few months into this loss, her other sibling received a cancer diagnosis. As you can imagine, she is all too familiar with the experience of loving someone with cancer; the long hours in hospitals, treatment regimes, and the exhausting state of regularly holding your breath for a positive test result. As our conversation continued about her attempts to process such heavy news, she shared that, despite her desire to understand why, she has learned that “It is not for me to understand, it is for me to be with.”

There are so many situations in our lives where we withdraw from or exclude what makes us uncomfortable and confused, whether it is our own grief or another’s. How important it is though, for us to be present to the situation or the suffering, even if we are helpless to do anything else. Not only is it important for the growth of our soul, but it is also the greatest gift we can give to those who have lost a loved one.

So many times, here at Cornerstone, we hear someone who is grieving share that when he or she starts to cry in front of others, friends and family members respond by trying to say something positive, or change the subject, and stop the person from crying. Yet our role is not to fix, or explain, or withdraw. Really, what is needed is not answers, but to be with – present to the situation and with others in the face of all the events and pain we cannot fully understand.

Maria Miravalle is the Spiritual Care Coordinator at Cornerstone of Hope’s Cleveland Location.